Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
