I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize