Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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