Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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