I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
