# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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