So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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