I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
