let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just invented taco cereal.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
