Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
