Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
