You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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