so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
