i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
