dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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