Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you didnt know i had herpes?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
