I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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