my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
