OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
