yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
