I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
