You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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