need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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