At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
