Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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