At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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