ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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