If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
