I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
honey bunches of taint.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
