Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Let's paint friendship bongs
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sobbing to NWA
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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