Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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