don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
