3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
