i permit you to call me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
