I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
