Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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