Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
