I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
