Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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