if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
