So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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