Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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