Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
