It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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