My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize