Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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