i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
