we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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