So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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