I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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