sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
