She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
NoShamevember. You game?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
