He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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