I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
