Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
