I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
