whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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