No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
