She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
