Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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