Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
