If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
