they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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