Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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