I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
