i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I currently don't understand fingers.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
