Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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