The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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