it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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