Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize