Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
